Wednesday, 13 March 2013
Why Siri and 13 Year Olds Are The Same
I was texting with one of my besties the other night. She moved very far away and that makes me sad. So now we text like crazy people, but it’s still not the same.
I miss her terribly.
She announced to me that this Monday was ‘her Monday’.
‘Monday’ as in her day to start working out, stop drinking wine and get healthy.
I know....I felt confused too.
Mondays are like a News Years Resolution with no monthly calendar restrictions. The empty promise that just keeps on giving chances week after week.
Why Monday and only Monday?
Clearly, it’s not good to start anything new on a Wednesday. Wednesday is the middle day and starting fresh in the middle of anything would be weird. You don't want to set yourself up for failure. Obviously.
And it wouldn’t be fair to not have a glass of wine on Friday if you had one on Thursday. After all Thursday are ALMOST the weekend and Friday IS the weekend. And if you don’t have a glass on Saturday, then Saturday gets jealous of Friday. Encouraging jealousy would be bad and irresponsible.
And Sunday, well Sunday is a day of rest, so you really shouldn’t start to workout or really do anything that’s hard on a Sunday because that would be disrespectful.
Tuesday is out because you would feel so bad about screwing up your Monday that you would need a glass of wine to feel better.
Makes perfect sense doesn’t it?
So Monday is clearly the logical day to start something new. Sadly, if you miss one Monday, you have to wait until next Monday.
It’s the rules.
Hey, I don’t make the rules…I just follow them. I support rules and I support my friend.
I’ve missed a lot of Mondays over this past year. Damn Mondays.
We all know Google hates me. Clearly Auto Correct hates me as well. I'm mad at auto-correct for making it look like I think cancer is cute and funny. IT IS NOT!
I’ve also come to the conclusion that Siri exists to make my life miserable. Just like a hormonal 13-year-old girl.
SIRI corrects me when I am wrong. Pretends she can’t hear me or understand me when I KNOW in fact she can. She thinks she knows everything and when she doesn’t know the answer, she won’t ever admit it, instead tries to argue her way in a half-ass attempt to convince me she knows the answer, taking credit for something she has nothing to do with. She has no patience, never makes mistakes and hides behind the facade of trying to help when in fact she has her own agenda. She becomes ignorant when she doesn’t get her own way and she tells me what to do.
And her jokes are not funny.
Screw you Siri, I have enough sass in my life without you!! I live with two 13-year-old girls and that’s more than enough attitude to drive a Nun to prostitution. You do not make my life easier. You are yet just another reason on my long list of excuses for red wine.
Also, you sabotage my Mondays.
Don’t even get me started on the bossy little man that lives inside the dashboard of my car and yells out driving direction to me in the middle of rush hour.
He makes me cry when I make a wrong turn.