Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Costco Vortex

We feed our dog’s Natures Domain food from Costco. It’s high quality and significantly less expensive while saving us quite a bit of money. A growing Great Dane eats A LOT!!

Except that I have to go into AND walk though Costco to pick it up, so in reality is it the most expensive dog food ever made.
Tonight the dog food cost me $443.
I needed a loading dock and a fork -lift to get the ‘dog food’ into my kitchen.

Why oh why do I continue to go to Costco when I am hungry!!! It all looks so tempting and seems like such a good idea! To be fair the quadruple pack of Cervalat Salami looked like a whole lot of PMSing salty goodness and it really was good deal. 
I will eventually get through the three-pound jar of mayo. One never knows when you are going to need to whip up a potato salad for 500 people for an upcoming picnic in the park…in the snow.
Good thing I bought a 100 pound bag of potatoes.
Note to self: I need to learn how to make potato salad.

We may be eating dumplings as a side dish for a year solid…but they came with a variety of extra sauces. Can you blame me?

I never need to buy Tampons again. EVER! It was a bit embarrassing trying to shove the bright giant box into my car in the packed parking lot…but I think I saw a women walking by give me a wink and a fist pump.
Woot Woot! Costco women unite.

Once I stopped by Costco to quickly pick up some chicken. Just chicken.
I left with a treadmill and some cookies.
(I figured I could eat the cookies since I now owned a treadmill…duh!)
I forgot the chicken.
I had to call Dylan to come and get me as I had taken the smaller of our vehicles, but the nice young man attending the door was very helpful trying to make my awesome new purchase fit in the car. I started to feel little silly, so I thought it would be smart to tell him I was going to be training for a marathon to make it look like I actually had a treadmill on my shopping list all along.
Then I started to eat the cookies as I watched him struggle.
Awkward silence, I think he was judging me. I didn’t offer him a cookie.

The treadmill was an excellent deal and is by far the most useful piece of equipment I have in my home. It can hang-dry up to four sweaters, three pairs of pants and a two t-shirts all a once.
Money well spent.

Costco is a vortex I actually get sucked into. I can feel the force field pull me as I drive into the parking lot. I am sucker for a good giant deal in a pretty package.
Throw in the Christmas stuff and I’m a goner.
Seriously…who doesn't need a box of 1000 Christmas Ornaments all in Silver? Maybe my tree will be extra tall this year? If it is…I’m totally prepared.  
And silver IS the colour scheme of my tree. Well, at least it is now.
I can always use some as gifts right?
Plus, the box had such a pretty bow on it and I’m only human.

I can rationalize any purchase. It’s like I am spending money to save money. That’s talent right there people.

I have a shopping problem. It’s not just Costco. Some of my purchases have made for some pretty interesting moments in my marriage.

When two of the three girls were finally out of car seats, I was more than DONE with the mini van. I was driving by a dealership one morning and though it couldn’t hurt to look right? Sorta like research if you will. Smart me!
I called Dylan and told him I loved him.
I could hear him rolling his eyes as he asked me how much the ‘new shoes’ were. It got wee bit uncomfortable when I told him I needed him to swing on down for his signature so I could drive home my new SUV at his earliest convenience.
Or immediately…..whatever.

I once went for a 5km run around our neighborhood. When I got home I had to confess to Dylan what had taken so long as I had ‘stopped’ by the new show homes being built. It wasn’t a big deal until I explained to him I just needed to drive back over ever so quickly to deliver our deposit cheque in order to hold the lot that ‘we’ had just bought.  
I am no longer allowed in show homes.
Pfft…I just look online now. Ha!

To be fair…Dylan is a shopper too. We are working on less impulsive buys and to teach the girls the importance of budgeting. At least their little developing brains can’t keep up with ‘mom-I-really-must-have-it-right-now-or-I-will-die-all-my-friends-have-one’ items. It changes too fast for them or me to keep up. I just say no. Leaves more money for me and the colossal jar of sun-dried tomatoes I have had my eye on.

Best part of Costco? Ummm, hello….the Liquor Store. Wine by the pallet!!!!
Now that right there is smart shopping. Silly not to buy!

If I invite your for dinner, I hope you like Luncheon Meat, Dumplings and a side of mayo!
I’ll supply the wineJ

Friday, 23 November 2012

Parenting Fails and Therapy Funds

We have an Education Savings Fund for the girls. In reality, I think they may have to use it for therapy. Either way, money well saved.

I have many parenting fails. Real actual fails that I have to laugh at…. there is no other option but to laugh. It’s a good thing little people are so resilient. 

1.     I forgot Quinn in the mini-van when she was 5 weeks old. I was in a rush to shove some McDonald’s down Olivia and Peyton’s gullet en route to a party. Yes, I was feeding them McDonalds at age 2. That’s like a two for one fail. I got to the door of the ‘restaurant’ and had a funny feeling I was forgetting something. Turns out it was the latest human I had built. Oops.
2.     At age of 5 to 6 Peyton became really bad at listening and not doing what she was told. I began yelling and reprimanding her while giving her time-outs for outright disobeying mommy. Defiant little child. It was almost as if she couldn’t actually hear me. I noticed one day she was sitting very close to the TV with her ear cupped straining to listen. She was in for surgery within one month to have ear tubes inserted. Turns out she really couldn’t hear me after all.
3.     Olivia cut her middle finger at around the age of 3. She came up to me, crying and showing me the cut for mommy to make it all better. Before I mended and kissed the boo-boo, I told her to wait while I found the camera. It was an absolute must for me to have a picture of her flipping me the bird. Kodak moment.
4.     When Olivia was in grade one at French Immersion school, I had her read me the book all about Seals over and over and over again. She couldn’t figure out why I was laughing at her… like snorting ugly cry laughing. Please Google translate ‘seal’ into French if you don’t get this. I was just encouraging her love of reading.

Youngest kids get the shaft. Oldest siblings get the eager ‘I’m going to document every moment and do everything right’ parents. Seriously, if you flip through the pages of my oldest girls albums fast enough, it’s like you are watching a movie in real time.
Let’s just say that Quinn’s baby book may not be exactly “accurate” on the whole first tooth and first hair cut dates. More like a memory estimate. Meh…minor details.

But the PARENTING FAIL OF THE YEAR AWARD goes to my sister.
My youngest niece Emily turned three the last week. She is the youngest of 6 granddaughters. May I add Miss Emily was a wee bit of a surprise for my sister and brother in law at the age of 37. My sister is a great mom and I admire her everyday. I also laugh daily at her at the age of 40 dealing with a spicy three year old.

Needless to say there was NO ‘first child’ birthday party complete with pony rides and a Cirque de Soleil show. Instead a simple delayed family dinner to celebrate her precious birth.
After dinner my sister announced, “Can we hurry up and get on with serving the cake? I need to get to work.” (To be fair, she is a nurse and it was over-time…that’s good money people)
As we sang to my dear sweet niece, I suggested my sister may want a picture as a keepsake? Shocker, she didn’t have a camera. I decided that she was just there for the free food from mom’s house.
Only to be outdone by the small wisp of Emily’s hair that touched the candle and went up in flames…that my sister didn’t notice.
That’s making memories right there I tell ya.
Rushed birthday cake, no camera and the smell of burnt hair. What more could a little girl ask for?

It’s ok, each one of them are loved so fiercely that I know this will override all of our fails. I hope. After all, I could dedicate an entire post to my own mothers less than stellar parenting moments, and I turned out ok. Sorta.

As I ponder some of my parenting bombs, perhaps I do need to stop transferring money from their ‘College/Therapy’ fund to 'Mommies Wine' fund. 
After all, it’s a RESP not a RWSP.

What’s your parenting fail? Don’t be shy…I know you have one or one hundred.
Uncle Dylan saved the day with his camera phone. Memory acheived!

Mommy...I hurt my finger.

Monday, 19 November 2012

Boy Bands and Almost 13 Year Olds

I have entered into anther dimension. Not willingly. Like a weird alter-underground world of Teenage Boy Band obsession.

The 'twits’ once known for their young lady-like composer with no interest in boys and a focus on sports and academics have had their body’s taken over by giggly obsessed screaming lunatics. I’m down right afraid.

Upside? Yet another reason for a glass of red. Yeah me.

What confuses me most is how memorizing science facts and fraction calculations is ever so difficult, but one can tell me at any given moment the age, eye color, number of tattoos and underwear style of five boys from the UK?

Peyton has all things One Direction memorized. No I mean like all things!! You name it she can answer it. Like she is their best friend.

Or a professional stalker. Whatever.

She has informed me that she is going to move to London and marry Harry or Louis. Dude, first of all you are 12 and they are like 20 something. That’s gross and illegal right now.
Second, when you tell me “either Harry or Louis” ...are you really marrying for love?
Atta girl…all for the fame and money.  
That’s a good foundation for marriage right there. I’m just so proud. I have taught you well. 
Parenting FAIL.

As I sit here typing, Peyton is watching the PVR of the boys on Ellen, The Today Show and XFactor…over and over and over again. Umm, haven’t we seen that like a gazillion times today alone? Shouldn’t you be cleaning your room or something? I bought her a 1D book the other day and told her she could have it when her homework was done, room was cleaned and she had herself ready for sports and school the next day. Turns out 'The Strike' could have been avoided simply by dangling a ‘One Direction Carrot’ at the end of a string?
Meh, you live you learn right?

I am not above bribing.
Never have been. Never will be.

Peyton’s room was once a lovely décor of pink and chocolate brown. I can no longer see the walls due to the posters. I feel like I should include this boy band in family portraits as they are taking up so much wall space at my house anyway. Any and all babysitting money is spent on teen magazines. I’m not holding my breath for a Christmas present.

She now uses the wall of visual love to quiz me about ‘who is who’ at the end of each day. I get them wrong on purpose just to see her roll her eyes at me and hear her think out loud how she could possibly be this women’s offspring.

When she leaves for London I will be left with a wall full of pinholes. A reminder of who she was as she fell in love for the first time…to strangers, but 12 year old love real to her nonetheless. One day I will be able to use the analogy of pinholes when a real boy breaks her heart for the first time.
I just impressed myself with that…geesh, I need to write that down.
For now, I’ll stick with  (get it?) the unattainable crushes staring at her while she sleeps each night. Kinda creepy...but still sweet in it’s own innocent way.

I followed all five of the band members on Twitter tonight…I’m cool like that. That’s how I roll. The irony for me is as all three were hanging off my shoulders for a peak at what their heartthrobs were tweeting the world, is that they don’t have cell phones or twitter, yet their über cool mom does. It’s just another twisted way for me to manipulate them.

“Oooh, you won’t believe what Harry tweeted today. I’ll read it to you as soon as your laundry is put away”
I shall add this to my super powers. This could be fun. Mwa ha ha!

I wasn’t allowed to have a boy band obsession. I went to Christian Private School and we listened to Christian Radio. Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith just didn’t cut it for plastering posters on my wall. I’m glad the girls have a boy band crush.  It’s part of growing up. I had a secret crush on Milli Vanilli (damn fakers ruined my world) and New Kids on the Block. Shhh, don’t tell my mom.

Funny, I just forgot the name of both above mentioned bands and had to Google to remember for this post. 
 Perhaps there is hope for Peyton after all.
Or I am just that old and uncool.

But I am singing ‘Step by Step’ in my head right now.
Oooh baby. Gonna get to you girl.


I have twitter and you don't..nah nah nah hah boo boo!
Stalker? Noooooo....

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Are They Twins?

When I was a little girl I dreamed I would have twins. Twin girls and only girls! Whether it was with my Cabbage Patch Kids or in the Game of Life…this was my ultimate goal in imagination play.

Funny how life works out isn’t it.

I don’t think of the girls as a novelty. To us they are no more alike than two siblings that simply share a birthday. In fact, I refused (or tried) to let anyone ever call them “The Twins”.  I have a friend who calls them 'The Twits' now…to which I am perfectly more than ok with. 'The Basement Trolls'  works as well.

What I never imagined as a little girl playing house was how other people would see my litter of babies and what the human mind could possible say to you about having two babies at once. Strangers amuse me.

They were born in the winter so outings were usually me at the mall. Cutesy streamlined drop-the car-seat bucket-in strollers didn’t exist back then. So it was me with the freaking double wide stroller with back up warnings lights and a speaker on the side playing the circus theme song as I walked. I learned very quickly…head down, no eye contact.

Here are some of my favorites with my actual answers…or at least what I wish I could have replied with my outside voice.

Q. Are they both yours?
A. No, just this one. I found the other one at the park and I was bored with just one, so I picked her up for the hell of it.
A. No, one is mine and one is my husbands.

Q. Are there twins in your family?
A.  It appears there are now.

Q. Did you use fertility drugs?
A. Yup…a shot of and Jägermiester and a couple of beers.

Q. Did you have them vaginally?
A. I’m sorry; I don’t even know your name. Why are we talking about my vagina?

Q. Are they identical?
A. No
Q. Are you sure? I think they are? Yup, they are for sure. Totally identical.
A. Oh, ok…cuz you would totally know better than me. Whew, thank you for setting me straight. I am so glad I met you. Let’s be best friends.

Q. Are they twins?
A. No, I just had them really close together.
A. You do the math Einstein. Two babies, same size, one mother. Double stroller, coordinated outfits, and an uncanny resemblance to each other. Let me know what you come up with.

As they don’t really look alike anymore, and are not adorable chubby babies that innately draw a crowd, the shit-show attention circus of going out is over.  Truth be told, I think now all people see is teenagers and they exit stage left as fast as possible. I wish I could follow them.

When I see a mom out with twin babies now, I recognize the all too familiar anxiety, bracing herself for the comments. I smile softly and tell her they are beautiful. If we get into a conversation, I let her know immediately I have twins. It’s like a secret code of twin motherhood that allows her to know I get it!  I’m a safe adult to talk to.  What I really want to tell her is that babies are the easy part. I want to let her know to enjoy every second of worrying about the consistency of their poo and how much they ate…cuz it just gets worse from here.

Small people = small problems.

But I don’t want to scare her. Instead I just turn the conversation to wine recommendations. That’s valuable information she will thank me for in the future.

I still get some odd comments now and then. To me…it’s just my life. My crazy life that I love and wouldn’t change for the world.

Together again xo
Growing up a little
Enough said.