Monday, 25 March 2013

On Why Instructions are Important.....

I like instructions. I am the type of person to read instructions and follow them step-by-step.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

But sometimes instructions make the task at hand more difficult and time consuming. Sometimes I can complete the job faster and more effectively with my own ideas.

I recently dip dyed the older girls hair. Although I am not a girly-girl in any way, shape or form and have never actually coloured my own hair and really don’t even know how to use make-up…it just didn’t appear to be Rocket Science to me.
So in keeping up with the ‘Worlds Coolest Mom’ persona, when the Trolls asked me if they could dip dye their hair, I said yes.
They were shocked.
Truth be told, so was I.

We bought a dip-dye kit from the local drug store.  It seemed simple enough and it was only $14!!
Please remember: I love me a good deal.

OF COURSE I read the instructions before taking on such a monumental task.

The first step was to bleach the ends of the hair. Although this made me nervous, I was successful with both girls. Yeah me! Usually things like this end up with the twin who goes first has to deal with mom’s inevitable screw up, while the daughter that goes second benefits from moms trial and error lessons and her sisters tears.
(In this house you want to be second!! Seriously, crib number one fell apart.)
Not this time…two kids with perfectly white hair at the bottom and ready for colour.  
I began contemplating a new career as a hair stylist.

Next came the pink and purple dye part. The instructions informed me that although this fluorescent colour (read…holy shit that’s bright pink) does wash out of the hair after a few months, the user should be EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS while handling and applying the product. In bold letters it stated to AVOID SKIN CONTACT and use the gloves provided. And the dye would permanently stain ANY and ALL items it came into contact with.
Well…duh, wasn’t that the point?
Make contact with hair…hair is stained pink.
Brain surgery? I think not.

As I was applying the colour, I realized the gloves provided in the kit were a pain in the ass and not helpful at all. Between the hair and the dye and the plastic of the gloves it was all slippery and shit and I was becoming annoyed.
So in a moment of frustration, all I could remember was the package telling me that the dye eventually washes out.
My brain had blocked out the other part about permanent....forever…staining…. skin contact…avoid…caution…blah blah blah.

I took the gloves off. I massaged that dye into the ends of the hair like a freaking Vidal Sassoon pro. I may have had a British accent.

Ummm. Ooops.
I panicked at the sight of my pink hands and squeezed the bottle too hard and pink dye squirted down the front of me.
Then my hands were slippery with pink dye and the bottle fell out of my hand and landed on the kitchen mat in a splash.
But it hit the white cupboard on the way down.
Then the ends of the long hair dripping with pink dye landed in a slop against the back of my white dining chair as I let go of the hair to pick up the bottle.
Then I grabbed a white towel only to remember a titch too late that my hands still held a lot of dye on them. So I grabbed another towel. And then another. And another.
Then I scratched an itch on my forehead.
Then I said a very bad word with my outside voice and had to apologize with pink jazz hands to my daughters.

Once the kitchen was cleaned up, I set about the task of trying to wash the pink dye from my hands. I looked like a Smurf on acid. Convinced it really could be there forever, I decided to give a few household products a try.
I mean really, how permanent could this really be? I must have something lying around that would turn my hands back to normal.

Turns out it’s pretty permanent. Those instructions were there for a reason. But if you ever find yourself in this predicament, please refer to the graph below to assist you in choosing products according to their pink-hand cleaning efficacy. 

Although the product ‘Goo Gone’ sounds like it should only be found in a store with blacked out windows, it actually does exist. 

And as you can see in my handy-dandy pie graph, it worked the best. Not 100% removal..more like Fuchsia Pink to Bubble Gum Pink.
However, pink hand buyer beware…it burns like a mo-fo. In hindsight, I should have paid attention to the itty-bitty Skull and Cross Bones at the bottom of the bottle.
They should make that shit bigger so people know not to wash their hands with it. 
Good news though, the tingling is almost gone.

Please don’t ask "why butter". There really is no explanation for my thought process behind that one. I was desperate.

So perhaps the $14 dollar pink hair dye was NOT my best idea ever. ‘Perhaps’ I will pony up the 35 bucks next time to have it done at a professional salon.
Where they know what they are doing.
And use gloves.

·      2 Dip Dye Kits- $28
·      1 Ikea Kitchen Floor mat- $35
·      1 Williams’s Sonoma Apron- $65
·      1 White Cape Cod Style Kitchen Cupboard- $389
·      1 White Pier One Dining Chair- $199
·      6 White fluffy towels - $150
·      4 Sessions of Therapy for hearing mommy drop the F-Bomb -$800
·      8 Household Products- $25
·      1 bottle of wine- $15 and my dignity lost in the liquor store paying with pink hands.

Watching your children's joy and happiness and LOVE of their new hair…. PRICELESS!!!!!

I’m thinking my next kitchen should probably not be white.

xo J

Finished Product....well worth it all.


  1. I laughed so hard it scared my poor 16 year old puppy dog . . . she is cowering in the corner....FTR, I DID pay the $$ to get the Pumpkin's hair bleached out and dyed pink when she was in grade 7. We arrived at the hair place at around 4. They applied the bleach and we waited. . .and waited. . . and they checked. . . and waited . . . and checked again . . . and waited . . . at about 6:45 the stylist washed out the bleach. Her dark brown hair was now LIGHT brown . . . we went with the pink on light brown. This is what comes from sharing genes with a member of Canada's original people . . . dye-resistant hair. NOW, when she wants to bleach out her hair she goes to her dad's where her other mother (formerly a hairdresser) puts the bleach on and then they watch several movies while it sucks all the dark colour out.
    Glad to see the girlies hair turned out pretty in pink. . . sorry about the hands . . . and the cabinet . . . and the chair. . . and the towels....

    1. Since I have never bleached out hair, (with the exception of some 'Sun-In' and lemon juice in my teens) I really had no idea what to expect. One of them took almost an hour...the other was done after 20 minutes....who knew?
      The hands, cabinet, chair and towels however.... didn't even take one second:)

  2. Hahaha, funny as hell (as always)... Lucky I have boys. But you never know! I might get the request to dye some hair one day.
    ...And I'll be calling you, LOL.

    1. My advice would be to not call me for advice.

  3. Hilarious! (As a hairdresser) you can use liquid dishsoap to help the colour fade, as for the sting from goo gone, I recommend Windex! (Good for bleach burns when we find gloves annoying too!)

    1. Ummmm.....where were you this weekend????? I should add dish soap and windex to my chart:)

  4. OMG.... sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Funny now...not so funny when that beautiful daughter of yours asks for mom to dye her hair:) Then I shall be the one laughing:)

  5. Much more entertaining than the first time I dip dyed my teen's hair. She fainted...on the bathroom floor...from the fumes...because I suck. :)

    1. NO NO NO!! You don't suck...after all, you have so much awesomeness that you agreed to dip dye her hair!! Small victories.

  6. You could have used Kool-Aid. Sarah uses it to give her hair that little "something extra"
    Kids today, right?

    1. They asked me for kool-aid...I should have said yes!

  7. Cute - I may have to do that to my hair for the summer! I agree the finished product was worth it . . . but I wasn't the one scrubbing my florescent hands! :)

    Thanks for stopping by and linking up to the Mixer this week!