Thursday, 28 March 2013

Spring Picture Bullshit

I may bitch about my kids. A little here and there. Ok, a lot.  Zip it.

But I want to go on record saying they are the coolest little people I know. They may drive me crazy at times, but I am proud of them in so many ways and I love being their mom.

Teenagers get a bad rap. I will be honest with you that I was afraid for the dreaded age of 13. Everybody tells you how scary and awful it’s going to be. But I can look at you with a straight face and tell you that it’s not that bad and MUCH better than that weird tweeny stage.

Here’s why. At 13... I know what I am dealing with. Mood Swings and all. During the twilighty age of 10, 11 and 12, they flip between little kid to toddler to hormonal teen.
Seriously for all that is good and holy, just pick an age and go with it so I know what parenting hat to put on. Are you 3 or are you 16? It’s like dealing with a bi-polar schizophrenic…who forgot to take their meds.

The Trolls are pretty fantastic. I love spending time with them and if I had to pick someone to go to the mall with or have a girl’s lunch with, it would hands down be them.
They are funny!! They are witty. They make me laugh.
And they may be a wee bit like me and at times can be sarcastic assholes. 
I love it.
I have no idea where they learned it from. Probably Dylan. Way to go Jackass. Remember when I told you “more is caught than is taught”? Well, mark yourself down for a fail on that one.
Ok…maybe a little is from me. Like a 'sprinkle' of my influence.
Again, zip it.

Last year the girls all came home with ‘Spring School Pictures’
I brushed hair, arranged clean matching clothes and paid for the tacky school picture packages back in September. Why on earth are they taking pictures AGAIN in March??

I went on a crazy rant about how it was yet another money grab from the school and photography company.

Pictures say a thousand words eh? Well if these pictures could talk they would say this: 

“Here…. look at all these shitty lovely pictures of your child we took without any warning or permission. Please buy them all for 1000 dollars. If you don’t…you are a shitty mom who doesn’t want memories of your children’s school years. That makes you an asshole. Way to go mom. Did you remember to add extra money to the therapy pot? No? Well then you may as well just go get another bottle of wine to wash away your mommy shame. FAIL. ”

Really? I’m not falling for your big corporation mommy guilt game. I bought the damn pictures in September that will NEVER hang on my wall and sent them to extended family like the good mother, daughter and wife I am suppose to be.
My rant was not quiet nor was it hidden from the girls. Pretty sure the entire neighborhood knew how I felt about the stupid Spring Pictures.
I may have done the Dylan arm flap. Shhhhhh.

So this year when they informed me it was Spring Picture time, I offered a dare instead of a rant.
I dared them to pick the CHEESIEST background.
I dared them to pick the TACKIEST pose.
And then I informed them there would be a prize for whoever could get away with the FUNNIEST face.
And be subtle enough to not get caught.

Olivia won.
And I have never been so proud.

Such a pretty meadow Olivia. Good choosing.

I am expecting a call from the school any day now. Pretty sure I will be given a detention slip for my shenanigans. Pffft…well worth it. I make a mean spitball.

Whatever…Olivia OWNED Spring Pictures! That's my girl.

Xo J

Normal pic. I know I am biased…but look at how pretty she is. Trust me..she is just as beautiful on the inside.


  1. We didn't get school pictures -- why -- because they took them on the FREAKING FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL when my kid was barely cognizant that school was happening. Whose bright idea was that? Spring pictures . . . no word of those at Beaverbrook -- high school kids have more pressing issues, I guess. Your girlie is a cutie . . . but she takes after her mom....

    1. So what you are telling me is that school pics stop in High School?

  2. Of course she's beautiful... she comes from good stock!
    As usual, this one was straight from your wine soaked heart and it shows. Your kids have been blessed with parents who are honest, "real" and unforgettable.
    Great work, beautiful!

  3. That is beyond awesome... I enjoyed this post alot. I usually dont buy the pictures because 10$ at walmart and I get to pick what i want verses 15$ for one picture at the school which for my kids they all ways look beyond scared like a deer caught in the headlights of a car!

    1. From now on in…just dare them. That way when you get the deer caught in the headlights back..its like a win.