DAY FIVE

I am on the edge today. Prayers requested. Or booze.

Olivia woke up and announced “You STILL haven’t cleaned the kitchen, this is disgusting!!” Peyton asked “We didn’t clean the kitchen last night?” WE?? WE?? No dear WE didn’t clean the kitchen. They are mad as they want to have friends over this weekend and are too embarrassed. Really darlings? I was thinking about hosting a six course meal for all our friends. BYOB.

For those of you who were so proud of and impressed with Quinn last night. Don’t bother. Today alone she has left a bowl full of pancake mix and a tray of crescent rolls half cooked and half eaten on the counter. My leather chair is now decorated with stickers from the packaging of her new soccer shin pads. Nice touch if I do say so myself. It appears her newfound knowledge of the strike last night went in one ear and out the other. Guess there isn’t much in the way between her skull. She is Dylan’s kid today. I cannot believe I fell for her cute little dimples again. I believe she is the ring leader.

I now have a Maple Syrup can next to my Soya Sauce centerpiece. That’s ok. I like it. I have been meaning to incorporate more of an eclectic décor theme anyway. Sort of like Asian meets Canadian meets garbage dump. I think it may catch on. #maplesoyagarbagedecor

My house used to smell of Pinesol. Now there is an aroma of the two day old garlic dip sitting on the table. I’m not getting used to that part, but at least its masking the smell of the Great Dane blueberry and cookie farts.

There are oven mitts on my couch?? Someone will be at the ready if the remote control suddenly becomes hot to the touch.

I love any excuse to shop. I have decided I may have to get new dishes when this is all said and done. I’ve been browsing Bed Bath & Beyond picking out my new set as 5 day old Chinese food, cereal, salmon and maple syrup are going prove to be difficult to scrub clean.  The milk, cereal and ice cream are now in a solid state. I don’t know a lot about chemistry, but I am assuming this is not a good thing.

 I put my Iphone down on the counter today…I had to call it to find it.

I found a clean fork today. It was like I had won the freaking lottery.

My new nails are driving me crazy! I almost couldn’t get the wine open last night. I panicked. It wasn’t pretty.

I cleaned my en suite bathroom this morning. I filled each sink with hot water and excessive amounts of bleach and shut the door. Then I laid down in the middle of the bathroom and breathed deeply.  I could have had a nap. It was like heaven…I felt a little high, but heaven nonetheless.

The dogs look scared. They have been spending more time outside as of late. I can’t say I blame them. At least the weekly paid pooh pick up service has been doing there job. God bless you Calgary POOH BUSTERS.  I need to remember to ask them to leave me extra lunch bags.

I’ll admit I care a lot about what people think about my housekeeping skills. It’s like a pass/fail test of motherhood for me.  Before this strike I couldn’t have imagined a fate worse than death than to have someone stop by with my house less than perfect. I am now contemplating giving tours. Of course I will need to charge admission to cover the cost of the army of professional cleaners I am going to need. Be warned…there will be a waiver to sign before entry at your own risk. It truly is phenomenal.

I received a memo from my liver this morning that it will be going on strike next.

                                                    #maplesoyagarbagedecor