Thursday, 7 February 2013

I Am a Mom AND....

Jobs can define us. Yes, I am a mom and without a doubt it is single handedly the MOST important job I have. It is also the hardest and lowest paying, yet brings the most reward. Most days. However, before I had kids (or Jessica B.K), I was a student and a waitress. And perhaps a wee bit of a party animal. 
Just a bit. Ok, a lot.

When I had the girls and became a mom, I lost my identity.
Just a bit. Ok, a lot.
I traded my cute purse and hot red lipstick for a tacky diaper bag and bottles. I became known as ‘the mom who had twins’ and identified with all the novelty that surrounded my new life. I threw myself into the job the only way I knew how.

With my all. With my everything.

Looking back, I lost myself.
Just a bit. OK a lot.

I don’t regret it and embrace the journey to who I am now. But I am more than a mom.

As most of you know I work full time outside the home with at-risk families involved in the Child Welfare System. I LOVE my job and it is a large piece of who I am. It is a fine line to do what I do and not bring it home while trying to find a balance of humour with a soft heart, gratefulness with perspective and overwhelming heartbreak with triumph.

What I really wish I could do is write a book about my job. It would be freakin’ awesome to be able to share with you what I have witnessed. I have had experiences that left me looking around for the hidden candid camera.
Seriously, moments of  “Is this really happening? Are you shitting me?”
I guarantee I could make you wet your pants as I told you one such tale that involved me actually squatting/hovering with pee running down my legs as live crickets jumped around my feet.
I could also tell you of horrors that one’s mind cannot possibly undo and then lift your spirit with moments of the pure power of family.
My job has helped shape me as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and professional.

But I CAN’T share with you all the gory deets of my job. Alas, there is this little thing called the Rule of Confidentiality. Sorry to disappoint ya’ll. I’m sad too…it’s like a book is banging inside my head wanting to come out and make me rich. Damn rules.

But I will tell you that I have seen more lady bits and nipple shots than anyone ever thought to warn me about in school. Nipple shots as in I saw areola, not as in I did a shooter off a nipple. Perverts.

Dylan is also more than a kick ass dad and husband. He works so hard for this family and has become very successful in food sales with a large company here in Canada and the States. It rhymes with GFS and is a fantastic family company to be a part of.

We have had to learn a balance in our marriage with stressful days at work and equalize what those conversations look like when debriefing our days and roles over a glass of wine. Mmmmmm, wine.

For example, when Dylan is bitching about a late delivery of green beans or how the world is coming to an end because some chicken wings were to small, I’m all like, “Seriously dude? Today I watched a mom lose her kids forever. LIKE forever. It was like a funeral with a living body. Get a grip about your stupid green beans. Asshole.”
I always win the bad day contests. Always. But I have had to recognize that in Dylan’s job, a lack of green beans and itty-bitty chickens arms are still a problem nonetheless to him and his customers. I am learning perspective and to care about fresh produce…after all legumes and poultry are clearly much more profitable for our family than our societies children’s safety.
I hate green beans.
I love my husband that holds me in silence when I cry.

The older girls have begun babysitting and are taking their very first employment role very seriously. About time the little freeloaders starting earning their own keep around here.
It’s so fricken’ awesome and the BEST deal ever for me.
Let me get this straight. You take my children AWAY FROM ME to your house for the night…and then actually pay THEM money?? I feel confused. I think someone has this all ass backwards and I really should be paying the other parents…but I’m keeping my mouth zipped.
Best kept secret EVER.
I have become their booking agent. I should get a managing fee of 20% right off the top.
I’m like a babysitting pimp.

See…just one more role to help define me.

What are your roles? What defines you?

Xo J


  1. I am a bellman, but one that isn't content to stand awkwardly in a doorway while some schmuck searches for a small handful of change...

    No, I'm the bellman who speaks his mind, who becomes a part of his guests' lives, if only for a little while...

    And then I write about them, all the while hoping someone in a position of power will see the value in my observations and rants. Then maybe someday, if fate is smiling upon me, I'll be able to move to the next level of my writing career and make a few extra bucks to deal with my daughter's medical condition. You see, she just... won't... stop... growing.

    And that, my dear Jessica, means I have to keep shelling out the big bucks to fulfill her needs and wants.

    So that's who I am.

    1. Bellman, Husband, Father, Friend, Author and Blogger extrordinaire!
      My girls also have this costly medical condition you speak's painful:)

  2. I am mama, wife, daughter, etc. My other role is Nurse; as in pediatric nurse. I too would love to write a book about the shit I've seen; it would be hilarious and heartbreaking. I don't win the 'bad day' contest most of the time in my house because my husband is a cop; as in detective working domestic violence crimes. I don't think his book would contain any hilarity. You gotta feel bad for my 3 kids though; pediatric nurse mom, cop dad. My kids NEVER get away with 'my life sucks' whining. Their dad and I ALWAYS have a 'you don't know what a sucky life is, you ungrateful children' story to back it up.
    Kris M.

    1. My girls have quickly learned to NEVER use the phrase "It's not fair".
      My sister is a nurse, my brother in law a cop, my mom a entire family of helpers that keeps reality in check.

  3. Wonderful read! I too work outside the home in a place that I can share many a story - sometimes it is hard to separate the "two" lives. As for losing yourself - I completely get it. I watch my children getting older and as they venture off on their own I often sit alone wondering who I am and what do I do with myself now.

    Thanks for the post! Always love to read your blog.


    1. It's one of my biggest fears, to wake up with an empty nest and not know who I am. It's a process I think, about changing yourself as your parenting roles change too.

  4. I became a mother at 16 years old....but still managed to be a student, graduate from college with a Masters Degree and now I am an IT Director for a Large IT Firm. I am also a wife, daughter, sister, Aunt, friend, cousin, boss, coworker..........but most of all I am ME!!! I loved your message that all of these things make us the amazing women we are. It has always disturbed me when someone says their Children are their life or their Husband is their life............although they can all be a priority, and the loves of our lives......Children grow up, find their own paths......husbands can be our best friends.....but to wrap your entire happiness and dependance on another, is a risky proposition and can be a hollow existance. It is ok to know yourself ........there are so many things that make me ME. I do have a life outside my husband, children, work and family. I do have interests....I do have a mind and loves independent of them. I know how to be alone and be married. I hope women learn you can love your children, love your husband, love your job and love your family and still have room for yourself as well. That beyond all those titles/lables, if you go to extreme in any area you will lose yourself. The future is to be prepared for any path.....nothing is more dissappointing than to see someone completely fall apart when her children are grown and no longer "need" her. Very very sad to witness.