Sunday, 6 January 2013

Jazz Hands

Life sometimes presents unexpected situations we can use to teach our kids hands-on lessons. There are also lessons in these situations for us as adults. Sometimes I wonder whom the lesson sticks more for, or if those situations are put in our lives to make us practice what we preach.
I like being right…so lets go with that.

For those of you that have followed this blog throughout the media shit storm created by ‘The Strike’, you will know there were some less than pleasant responses. I offered one personal response to it and have since then kept my promise and kept my mouth and fingers shut.

Most of the negativity was on the multitude of articles available on line, not here on my blog. With the exception of one person who just seemed to always be here to make an adverse comment. This one person tested everything in me to keep quiet, to keep my resolve and to rise above. Many bottles of wine were required.

No matter what I posted, this person was there with his relentless opinions of my parenting, even after I had publicly declared my zero tolerance for negativity on this blog.
But yet, he still came.
Every. Single. Post.
Appears I had myself a stalker.

I actually began waiting for him. He intrigued me; yet to be honest, he pissed me off beyond belief. I cannot tell you how many times I sat down and crafted a venomous email to tell him exactly where to go and how to get there.
Only to delete it and keep my promise to remain quiet.

You all may be applauding me for taking the high road. Don’t. The truth is, I wanted to find him and punch him in the throat.

Between my trips from NYC to LA, I figured out that you could click the name of the commenter (zip it…this is all new to me remember) and link along to their own blog. The day I did, I was able to see where he was at in his own life. I didn’t feel sorry for him, instead his words made everything make sense to me. Even though his blog post was not very nice in regards to yours truly, it made me feel I knew him. To understand.
I felt compassion...ugg. 
However, his words and some of his reader’s comments still made my blood boil. I had upgraded him from a punch in the throat to wishing an anal exam without benefit of lube, from a doctor with very long fingers who had forgotten to trim their nails.
With an audience.
On live TV.

I stopped deleting his comments. Partly because I was away and had no access to my computer; but mostly because something was nagging at me to leave them up. He had gotten under my skin, and for those that know me well, that does not happen very often.

When I wrote about agents, irony and my accidental future being handed to me on a silver platter, I was writing about him.
A stranger had pissed me off more than I can express, yet I couldn’t shake him out of my mind.

Throughout my silence, he and his comments still emerged on my blog. But his words eventually became nicer, supportive, encouraging and complimentary. I began to respond to his progressive reactions.  And he responded to mine.
I became a regular of his blog and he stayed one here.

My girls were able to see my lesson in action. Shit, it was one of the harder parenting tests I have had. I’m a vocal kind of gal. I’m the ‘gonna let you know how I feel’ type of person. Usually my inside voice doesn’t stay inside for very long. More often than not it gets me into trouble.
My girls were able to see the power of silence and the importance of getting to know someone before passing judgment. They witnessed that in order for someone to fight, they need to have someone to fight back with.
All of the above applies to me as well.

We have a motto in this house. Be Kind.
Kindness on both sides has led me to a new friend.

You all know him as “You’ve Been Hooked”.
I now know him as Robert.

Robert is the author behind the blog You’ve Been Hooked. More importantly he is a hardworking husband and a father to a 14-year-old daughter. Robert is a man with a dream that he is putting into reality; he has written a book and is facing the uphill struggle to have people that matter notice.

I have been contacted by many people asking to be a guest blogger here on my blog. That’s what all the cool bloggers are doing don't ya know. Geesh, keep up. I have turned them all down as I get my bloggy feet wet and find my own writing voice.
After some thought, I decided I would host a guest blogger and the one I wanted to premier was, yup you guessed it, “You’ve Been Hooked”.
It seemed fitting…even though he had never asked me. I wrote him a very honest email about my feelings regarding our past and invited him to be a guest blogger with some strings attached. Namely, I was going to write about all that you have just read.
Much to my surprise, he agreed.

Robert has been working on a piece about parenting for you all to enjoy here. 
Simmer down…I’m gonna make you wait for it. 
With my obvious knack for long windedness added to his own words, it was just simply to long and would end up being a book unto it’s own.
And I have my limits giving away free stuff. 
So I’m gonna hype that shit up and leave you all hanging until my next post. Robert's post.

I think if I met Robert in person he would have a very dry sense of humour. Pay close attention…his wit may be missed on those that are a few crayons short. Check out his blog and his very frank observations of the human race. Most importantly, when he writes of his family you can actually feel his adoration.
The world needs more dads like Robert Hookey.

Plus, you all know I love being right.
Jazz hands Robert, jazz hands!!

xo J


  1. When you're right, you're right!
    Nice work, Jessica! And thanks for abandoning the anal exam wish.
    Seriously, thanks!

  2. Good job on taking the high road. It looks like things are working out for the best for everyone involved.

    1. Sometimes 'doing right' is more important than 'being right'.

  3. So glad you are having Robert guest blog. He has me laughing out loud with every post. Also, I'm glad that this has led me to your blog! I think there are more chuckles to be had here.

    Just as an aside, I am the mother of an almost 20 yr old daughter. Gawd in heaven, don't know how I made it past the teen years!

    1. But you are still alive to be telling me about it..this gives me hope.
      I do hope you found some chuckles here as well.

  4. I've been reading Hook for quite a while and yeah, he tells it like he sees it. I look forward to seeing his guest post!


    1. Sometimes telling it like you see it isn't always the best way when you don't have all the information. Ahh...lessons learned:)

  5. You got the magic my friend.

  6. I got gypped!

    Hook has left nothing but nice comments on my blog from the get-go. What gives, hah, Hook?

    But I hear you, Jessica.

    I can’t remember how exactly I got to Hook’s blog. It was a little over a year ago and I chanced upon his post about his daughter, Sarah’s take (make that, double take) on bullying.

    In true Hook style, he railed. That was new to me. Well, HE was new to me, so I found it odd that someone would get their kecks in a knot (to the degree that he did) about an incident they did not personally experience. So I shot him a question about his daughter’s views on the incident. And I was pleased with the answer.

    And that was it. I was Hooked.

    >I think if I met Robert in person he would have a very dry sense of humour.

    - Indeed! I crack up with a lot of his one-liners.

    But Hook and I don’t always have the same POV on certain aspects in his posts. Yet he is gracious and accepts that there is more than one way to view things. I like this trait, that he doesn’t stymie a different angle, even if it is diametrically different from his own. That’s not just being democratic, that’s being mature and respectful as well.

    >Most importantly, when he writes of his family you can actually feel his adoration.

    - Bingo!

    >The world needs more dads like Robert Hookey.

    - Amen, sista!


    1. Thank you for leaving me a "classic rambling comment" here as well. If you can leave them for Hook, then I feel privileged to read them on my blog!

  7. The Hook makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes my shake my head and wonder why. I love that man! Sorry to find out his is a stalker.

    1. If I am going to have a stalker..I am pleased it's the Hook.

  8. I'll check out his blog. But I have to say that while I was reading your post, mostly on the "punch&stuff", I imagined myself telling someone that. I used to argue about everything, then I decided I should stop doing that and begin listening and trying to understand. Obviously we have to do it, but now I'm trying to get my voice out again. Sometimes we lose ourselves when we try to change too much. Happily, most of people can find the middle :>

  9. It's a balance isn't it? Finding a way to stand up for ourselves respectfully and keeping quiet. It's still in the works for me.

  10. (Wandering around again)
    Nice post. Like your writing style - and humor
    And you are right about Hook. Nice guy - no matter what he says.
    Phil, the Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge

    1. Glad to have you wandering! Agreed about the hook:)

  11. I now realize what my blog is missing: A nemesis.

    I guess I need to do more to attract criticism.