Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Costco Vortex

We feed our dog’s Natures Domain food from Costco. It’s high quality and significantly less expensive while saving us quite a bit of money. A growing Great Dane eats A LOT!!

Except that I have to go into AND walk though Costco to pick it up, so in reality is it the most expensive dog food ever made.
Tonight the dog food cost me $443.
I needed a loading dock and a fork -lift to get the ‘dog food’ into my kitchen.

Why oh why do I continue to go to Costco when I am hungry!!! It all looks so tempting and seems like such a good idea! To be fair the quadruple pack of Cervalat Salami looked like a whole lot of PMSing salty goodness and it really was good deal. 
I will eventually get through the three-pound jar of mayo. One never knows when you are going to need to whip up a potato salad for 500 people for an upcoming picnic in the park…in the snow.
Good thing I bought a 100 pound bag of potatoes.
Note to self: I need to learn how to make potato salad.

We may be eating dumplings as a side dish for a year solid…but they came with a variety of extra sauces. Can you blame me?

I never need to buy Tampons again. EVER! It was a bit embarrassing trying to shove the bright giant box into my car in the packed parking lot…but I think I saw a women walking by give me a wink and a fist pump.
Woot Woot! Costco women unite.

Once I stopped by Costco to quickly pick up some chicken. Just chicken.
I left with a treadmill and some cookies.
(I figured I could eat the cookies since I now owned a treadmill…duh!)
I forgot the chicken.
I had to call Dylan to come and get me as I had taken the smaller of our vehicles, but the nice young man attending the door was very helpful trying to make my awesome new purchase fit in the car. I started to feel little silly, so I thought it would be smart to tell him I was going to be training for a marathon to make it look like I actually had a treadmill on my shopping list all along.
Then I started to eat the cookies as I watched him struggle.
Awkward silence, I think he was judging me. I didn’t offer him a cookie.

The treadmill was an excellent deal and is by far the most useful piece of equipment I have in my home. It can hang-dry up to four sweaters, three pairs of pants and a two t-shirts all a once.
Money well spent.

Costco is a vortex I actually get sucked into. I can feel the force field pull me as I drive into the parking lot. I am sucker for a good giant deal in a pretty package.
Throw in the Christmas stuff and I’m a goner.
Seriously…who doesn't need a box of 1000 Christmas Ornaments all in Silver? Maybe my tree will be extra tall this year? If it is…I’m totally prepared.  
And silver IS the colour scheme of my tree. Well, at least it is now.
I can always use some as gifts right?
Plus, the box had such a pretty bow on it and I’m only human.

I can rationalize any purchase. It’s like I am spending money to save money. That’s talent right there people.

I have a shopping problem. It’s not just Costco. Some of my purchases have made for some pretty interesting moments in my marriage.

When two of the three girls were finally out of car seats, I was more than DONE with the mini van. I was driving by a dealership one morning and though it couldn’t hurt to look right? Sorta like research if you will. Smart me!
I called Dylan and told him I loved him.
I could hear him rolling his eyes as he asked me how much the ‘new shoes’ were. It got wee bit uncomfortable when I told him I needed him to swing on down for his signature so I could drive home my new SUV at his earliest convenience.
Or immediately…..whatever.

I once went for a 5km run around our neighborhood. When I got home I had to confess to Dylan what had taken so long as I had ‘stopped’ by the new show homes being built. It wasn’t a big deal until I explained to him I just needed to drive back over ever so quickly to deliver our deposit cheque in order to hold the lot that ‘we’ had just bought.  
I am no longer allowed in show homes.
Pfft…I just look online now. Ha!

To be fair…Dylan is a shopper too. We are working on less impulsive buys and to teach the girls the importance of budgeting. At least their little developing brains can’t keep up with ‘mom-I-really-must-have-it-right-now-or-I-will-die-all-my-friends-have-one’ items. It changes too fast for them or me to keep up. I just say no. Leaves more money for me and the colossal jar of sun-dried tomatoes I have had my eye on.

Best part of Costco? Ummm, hello….the Liquor Store. Wine by the pallet!!!!
Now that right there is smart shopping. Silly not to buy!

If I invite your for dinner, I hope you like Luncheon Meat, Dumplings and a side of mayo!
I’ll supply the wineJ


  1. LOL! I swear we are sisters from different mothers! I've done the car purchase thing many times! LOL! And the treadmill, and exercise bike neither got used! Except to hang clothes. Except for the 5k run! That's probably never going to happen!

    1. The only thing I run to now is the wine fridge.
      I think you owe me $443 for suggesting the Nature's Domain in the first place. A personal cheque is fine. I trust you and that way we don't have to worry about the US to Canadian conversion. :)


    1. covered in melty cheese and an obscene amount of sour cream!!!!

    2. Don't forget the Spicey salsa! Just sayin

  3. A really well-written post - funny and nicely rounded off. You should be writing for magazines, seriously.
    (Though of course I had to stick my fingers in my ears and shout la-la-la-la because it so happens we have a Costco here in Bristol UK, and I have enough bad habits already...)

    1. Thank you!! I think you totally should go to Costco and then tell me what you bought and how you rationalized it:)

  4. OMG preaching to the choir here, Jessica.
    Hilarious, yet again... LOVE reading your blogs.

    1. I love that you love reading them. I can totally see you Costco shopping..and it would give you so many things to use your label maker for :)

  5. Costco is dangerous. Dangerous, I tell ya! Impulse buyer's heaven.

    What time should I be over for your dumplings and mayo dinner?

    1. Drop by anytime...I think it may be a bit of a long trip for you though? Don't worry, I'll send you home with plenty of mayo leftovers for the long drive home!
      I'm good people that way.

  6. Glad to hear you survived your bulk store experience - again! You didn't see Joan Rivers waving a sign outside, by any chance?
    She's protesting Costco's decision to not carry her latest book.

    Moving on, great post. Nice to see you settling into the whole blogging thing... Keep up the good work!

    1. I heard about the Joan Rivers book...makes me want to buy it:)
      Thanks again for the kind words and encouragement.

  7. Hello there heroine of mine.....
    Of course you get the cape!
    And if you want it embroidered just let me know!!!
    natalie jo

  8. I actually avoided Sam's Club this year right before Christmas. Even though it felt like buying my Christmas breakfast ingredients at the grocery store cost a fortune, I knew in my heart I was saving money. I just knew this was the year Sam's Club would have the hang glider I have always wanted.

    Hilarious post! Ellen

  9. Great...now I want...no NEED a hang glider:)

  10. Hahaha! Cosco is SO freaking evil!

  11. I bought that same Salami pack. Geez! We had to freeze the rest of it's fatty goodness. I'm sure it'll get freezer-burned and have to be thrown away when I find it again next Christmas! My treadmill? The kid uses it as a fort. Being creative is good. ; )
    Thanks for linking up to finding the funny!

  12. Oh. my. gosh! I think you have perfectly (and hilariously) described every woman's trip to Costco! It's the most exilaratingly dreaded trip of all time! You can't ever walk out without feeling guilty for either a)buying (spending) waaaay too much OR b)buying waaay too little bc you walked away from some really great deals! LOL
    I have love-hate relationship with Costco.