Thursday, 15 November 2012

Are They Twins?


When I was a little girl I dreamed I would have twins. Twin girls and only girls! Whether it was with my Cabbage Patch Kids or in the Game of Life…this was my ultimate goal in imagination play.

Funny how life works out isn’t it.

I don’t think of the girls as a novelty. To us they are no more alike than two siblings that simply share a birthday. In fact, I refused (or tried) to let anyone ever call them “The Twins”.  I have a friend who calls them 'The Twits' now…to which I am perfectly more than ok with. 'The Basement Trolls'  works as well.

What I never imagined as a little girl playing house was how other people would see my litter of babies and what the human mind could possible say to you about having two babies at once. Strangers amuse me.

They were born in the winter so outings were usually me at the mall. Cutesy streamlined drop-the car-seat bucket-in strollers didn’t exist back then. So it was me with the freaking double wide stroller with back up warnings lights and a speaker on the side playing the circus theme song as I walked. I learned very quickly…head down, no eye contact.

Here are some of my favorites with my actual answers…or at least what I wish I could have replied with my outside voice.

Q. Are they both yours?
A. No, just this one. I found the other one at the park and I was bored with just one, so I picked her up for the hell of it.
A. No, one is mine and one is my husbands.

Q. Are there twins in your family?
A.  It appears there are now.

Q. Did you use fertility drugs?
A. Yup…a shot of and Jägermiester and a couple of beers.

Q. Did you have them vaginally?
A. I’m sorry; I don’t even know your name. Why are we talking about my vagina?

Q. Are they identical?
A. No
Q. Are you sure? I think they are? Yup, they are for sure. Totally identical.
A. Oh, ok…cuz you would totally know better than me. Whew, thank you for setting me straight. I am so glad I met you. Let’s be best friends.

Q. Are they twins?
A. No, I just had them really close together.
A. You do the math Einstein. Two babies, same size, one mother. Double stroller, coordinated outfits, and an uncanny resemblance to each other. Let me know what you come up with.

As they don’t really look alike anymore, and are not adorable chubby babies that innately draw a crowd, the shit-show attention circus of going out is over.  Truth be told, I think now all people see is teenagers and they exit stage left as fast as possible. I wish I could follow them.

When I see a mom out with twin babies now, I recognize the all too familiar anxiety, bracing herself for the comments. I smile softly and tell her they are beautiful. If we get into a conversation, I let her know immediately I have twins. It’s like a secret code of twin motherhood that allows her to know I get it!  I’m a safe adult to talk to.  What I really want to tell her is that babies are the easy part. I want to let her know to enjoy every second of worrying about the consistency of their poo and how much they ate…cuz it just gets worse from here.

Small people = small problems.

But I don’t want to scare her. Instead I just turn the conversation to wine recommendations. That’s valuable information she will thank me for in the future.

I still get some odd comments now and then. To me…it’s just my life. My crazy life that I love and wouldn’t change for the world.
xo
J

Together again xo
Growing up a little
Enough said.











27 comments:

  1. Great post, I have 8 month old twin boys and I know all of those questions too well. I look forward to the day when we can go anywhere and not draw a crowd!

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    1. Enjoy it .....it goes far too quickly:)
      J

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  2. Q. Are they all yours?
    A. No, they are all orphans up for adoption. Do you want one?
    This was a line I used while on holidays in Vancouver - the look on the nosy woman's face was priceless!

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  3. *sigh of relief*

    NOW I know why I drink twice as much!!

    LOL. Love LOVE LOVE your blog, lady. You make me LOL every time.

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  4. Moms of not-twins get weird questions, too. When my girls were aged 2 and 4, a young woman asked me (in all seriousness) if they were twins!

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    1. When my youngest came along...I could tell people were very confused. In all fairness..I do clone my children.
      J

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  5. It seems to me you were born to be a mom, Jessica. Reading this, I'm struck by your love for your children and it feels like slipping under a warm blanket on a cold winter's night.
    You've warmed my soul. Thank you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. A lot. This comment meant a lot to me.
      J

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  6. I have twins.. and their sister is exactly 1 year 3 weeks and 3 days older.. It took us 2 hours to get out of walmart when the twins were about 8 months old.. because of people stopping us... My husbands favorite stupid question is.....
    Are they all THREE twins???..... He so badly wants to say yes!!All three are Twins... :)
    I now have 3 teenagers and the name basement trolls totally cracks me up!..

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    1. All three twins...LMAO!!
      I salute you.
      No, I bow down to you.
      Thats a whole lotta kids under the age of two. And now three teenagers..I'm not sure why I am laughing..that's me in three years.
      Can I send you a bottle of wine:)
      J

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    2. LOL! 13-14 was really rough.. didnt think they would survive.. but here they are now 15-16.. It eases up.. My friend has One girl that is 12 almost 13.. She makes me want to hide from her and thank God mine were never that bad.. And I have a serious drama queen in my ranks too!
      They claim to be each others best friends and I believe they are.. Most of the time.. They know how to fight AND how to be friends. :D

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  7. I found your blog some time ago, after reading about yor project in the papers (yep, you´ve reached Sweden too!). I just wanted to say that I love your writing and your humor and that I will keep following your family life. :)

    Jenny

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  8. Twins run on both sides of my family. I am not just familiar with twins but surrounded by them (I am so glad not to be a twin). Because of this, I have better manners than most when I run into twins in public. Most of the time, I just smile at the mother and shake my head at all of the people pestering her...once or twice, I have pretended to know the mom and walked her out of a group of gawkers (much to their relief!).

    People don't understand that being the parent of a twin is stressful...and the way people react to twins in public just adds more stress to an already hetic life.

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    1. The parent OF twins...lol! My dad is an identical twin...oi! The whole twin thing? I really get it.

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    2. It is stressful especially when they are young. It doesn't get to me much anymore, but they get weird questions now. I want to slap people when they ask the girls.."so which one of you is the evil one?"
      Really people?
      J

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  9. When my cousin brought his triplets home he wanted to have t-shirts made.
    YES... They are triplets
    YES... It was natural
    YES... They are ALL girls

    I definitely understand the strange looks and questions.

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    Replies
    1. T-Shirt...brilliant. I cannot imagine triplets!!
      J

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  10. I used to get asked if they were girls or boys, well, the one with short hair in blue is a boy, the pink one with the pigtails is a girl!! Next question, are they identical!!? Very temped to say yes, until you take their pants off!!!!

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    1. Are they identical? No one, has a penis.
      J

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  11. I have fraternal twin boys (they are almost 2), I totally understand! It's ridiculous all the stupid and nosy questions people ask.
    I just stumbled upon your blog and I think you're hilarious! =)

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    1. Thanks:) Two at two is fun isn't it.....
      J

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  12. My sister directed me to your blog. Love it, thank you. We have twin girls age 2. My husbands favourite question we always got was
    "Are they both twins?" To which he responded "No just one of them"
    They are lots of fun and lots of trouble, and yes, I know it will get worse, we are just trying to enjoy them now, with the new 2 year old attitudes and all!!!!

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  13. I have two boys born a year and 10 days apart, the older is a skinny little guy and the younger is a massive chunk. Every time we go to the store, "are they twins?" I keep wanting to say "yes, twins born a year apart!"

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  14. Some one asked me if I was "SURE" they are twins! What does that mean? I was hallucanating while they were being born>? Or imagining I had two babies in my 65 inch preggy belly! Really! Weird people!

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