Monday, 29 April 2013

Yoga Pants Count as Real Clothes


Well, one basketball tournament down. Seven to go.
This past weekend I had the pleasure of driving from Calgary, Alberta to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
And I wanted to die. Or gouge my eyes out with a soup spoon.

Seriously, the GPS literally said “Turn Left in 493 kms”.

I shit you not. Those were the directions to the closest form of life in the province next door. On a single lane highway for six and a half hours. With nothing to see but farmers fields. I got excited when I saw a tree and almost peed my pants when there was a bump on the road that could pass for a hill. Weeeeeeee! And I saw cows. Jealous???
It was almost like Disneyland.

Next weekend is Lethbridge, Alberta.  Remember last October when I travelled to New York and then Hollywood on back-to-back weekends. This is so almost the same.
No. No it is not.

Needless to say I am more than grateful for my guest blogger Janessa from Getting to the Other Shore for "I Get A Day Off From Writing and Feeling Pressure to be Funny and Get to Laugh at Your Stories and Share Some Blog Love Monday". 

Her post reminds me of me…and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But it may be a wake-up call.

Janessa is a West Coast born and raised, working, bean counter mom of two little minions, long married wife, avocado addict, wine lover and recent prairie transplant who slices her way through life with an undying sense of humour and a determination to one day figure out how the heck to sell everything and sail around the world (as long as she never encounters bad weather, or pirates, or sharks)
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Socialize or Ostracize? What if I never go out again??

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat….I love, love love, a good gab fest, wine drinkin’,  laugh out loud till you pee your pants, with incredible women type of get-out- of-your- pajamas-for-a-night kind of shin-dig (yes I just said shin-dig).  How many times have I partaken in such an event in the past year? Well, I don’t even need one hand to count….I’m not entirely sure I can go past two fingers actually.
This is why.

I’m lazy. 

No I’m totally serious; when it comes to maintaining friendships and getting out, I am perpetually slothful and negligent.  I come up with a variety of excuses, some quiet legitimate such as “Well I have to clean my toilet tomorrow so…..”  Or “Well, I’d love to but that would mean I’d have to wear pants past 8pm and…….well, meh”

I know, I’m completely lame but come one, somebody out there gets it right?

Sometimes the prospect of having fun sounds, well, not fun; it sounds exhausting and I’ve got enough exhausting going on right now, thank you very much.

I once read this book called something like “Working Mother’s A-Z Guide” and there was a chapter where the author talked about how one day, she was going to wake up and be 60 and have no friends, because every time she was invited out, she was “too tired” or “had to wash her hair,” and I was like, YES! I totally get it!

I constantly play that dangerous game of paper, rock, scissors between having a social life and crawling into bed.  Crawling into bed wins 99.9999% of the time (Social Life doesn’t even put up much of a fight; just keeps throwing the game by always showing up as paper)

Right now my children are on an extended vacation with their grandparents. My number one excuse/commitment is null and void and what did I do my first kid free weekend pray tell?

 My taxes.  WHOO HOO, PARTY TIME PEOPLE, TAXES, WHOO-HOO, YEAH!  *sigh*
Well later I did watch some movies on Netflicks whilst drinking wine and eating Cheezies and Kit Kats in bed.

Okay I admit, that made me sound even lamer.

My husband has been trying to encourage me by saying, “Do something irresponsible!” “Go out with the girls and get drunk!”   For starters honey (not that he’s listening) I know like, four people in town, and these are couples so it’s like actually knowing 2 people. Oh wait! I know one more couple…wow, three people. 
Yes, we’re still new to town, so I kind of get a Mulligan (golf-term-used-by-non-golfer).  I’m sure I’ll make friends one day (if I can ever tear myself away from Pinterest and watching Smash online *insert serious eye rolling here*)

Sadly, this is what happens when:
 1) You’re a working mom who doesn’t get to mingle at school drop off and pick up times or get together for yoga classes and book clubs and,
2) (Let’s face it, this is actually the heart of my problem) YOU MAKE NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER TO MEET PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!  

Between work, commuting, making play dough from scratch, putting Band-Aids on boo-boos, intervening to stop the war of the worlds from erupting between the children, paying bills, mopping up apple juice every 30 seconds, emptying litter boxes, trying to figure out what “toro” written on the calendar means, playing the sock match game, shaving the cat, and discovering my life’s purpose…….

When faced with Option A: fall face first on bed and drool till morning, or Option B: make the effort to make a plan that deviates from the no-plan plan, I invariably pick Option A.

But you know what ends up happening if you are forever picking Option A?  When the mood strikes and you suddenly realize GOOD LORD I AM HERMIT AND I NEED TO CONVERSE WITH A LIFE FORM OTHER THAN THE DOG!!!!!!!.................. it might just be too late.

Is there like a help-group for self- proclaimed hermits?
Is there somewhere I can go and stand up in front of a room full of strangers and say,
 “Hello, my name is Jenessa and I haven’t been social in 5 months,”
And then instead of clapping everybody will boo and cry and pat me on the back and hug me and say,
“We understand, we stay home with a great Malbec and to watch Chris Hemsworth movies too it’s okay!”
That would be awesome; that would be a good place to start.

So, on that note, I must take my leave to go Google “Malbec-Drinking-Chris-Hemsworth-Movie-Watching-Antisocial-Support-Groups-For-Working-Mothers-Who-Don’t –Like-Wearing-Pants-Past-8pm”
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Like I said above, I was away this weekend and had to interact with grown-ups the entire time. And I had to wear pants. The entire time.

Janessa…I get it. As I type this, I am wearing my jammies. It’s only 4:19pm.

Let’s start an online self help group…that way we never need to get out of our comfy pants and we can drink wine “together” and not worry about driving and I won’t judge you that you are in bed before 9:00pm. And in my books that totally counts as having a social life!!

XO J

10 comments:

  1. I am a 36 year old all of the above. Have no social life. Prefers to stay home with booze food munchies and Netflix. Watching all them hot boys on a tv screen. Pass out til 7:30 am wooo sleeping in :) I can so relate!

    Also livin in cowtown :)

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  2. Yay first comment confirms I'm not completely off my rocker! I'm in cowtown too (sort of - Cochrane) hhhmmmm online wine drinking club or wine drinking pajama club.....sounds like a support group to me :)

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  3. Damn, and I've always blamed my hermit attitude on not having an interest in wine... Now what excuse can I use?!
    Also in Cowtown - I spend my evenings knitting in front of Netflix. That might be worse than drinking. Perhaps we should start a club? I swear, if you invite me I'll learn to like wine!

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  4. Wine? check.
    Bedtime at < 9pm? check.
    Friends? um....maybe 3. and 2 are 'email' friends who live in another country. check.

    :)

    Javamom
    javaline.wordpress.com

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    Replies
    1. Just read some of your blog posts. Loved the 50lbs one! I just did the same thing. Black garbage bags are a must!! I did a purge while the kids were away on a sleepover and when they came home my son said "Wow, look how tidy my toys are" no notice of the fact that 50% of them were gone!

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  5. Haha I watch my netflix and play Candy Crush - level 270 - can you tell I have no life.. and my bedtime is also 9pm

    I agree a support group should be formed just based on our love of netflix and multi-tasking :)

    I actually have 2 close friends also who hardly get out :) Rest of my gf's are also all overseas different countries different time zones. As for the wine we could have subsititues like Malibu or Palm Bay's - my new fav lol

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  6. Man I'm in the same boat I got co worker friends and family but as for other friends like a girls night out they don't happen three kids work sports really I just don't care and I rather just sleep or relax and not have to entertain.

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  7. Ah ha! I knew I wasn't the only one. Everything you said was totally me! Right down to the comments from my ever helpful husband. I can't wait to get home tonight and make him read this to prove I'm not alone. Thank you!!! P.S. If it makes you feel better, you have more friends than me. Wanna be my friend? :)
    Sarah

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  8. Your blog is really good, but honestly I don't understand how it got to be one of the first ones when searching a blog on google. I know blogs which are far better and I can even give you some examples. Have a look at a blog named icalcionews24.blogspot.com. It is written in italian, but there is a translation bar at the side of the page. It is very funny and a real example of italian humorism. Despite it has just been made, it is having a good success and I am surprised of finding yours before that one. You absolutely need to watch that blog, even considering you probably will like soccer.

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  9. Janessa, Jessica, heck, every mom out there,
    I salute you all! Where would we be without you and your offbeat, yet dependable ways, ladies?
    You rule!

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