Friday 23 November 2012

Parenting Fails and Therapy Funds


We have an Education Savings Fund for the girls. In reality, I think they may have to use it for therapy. Either way, money well saved.

I have many parenting fails. Real actual fails that I have to laugh at…. there is no other option but to laugh. It’s a good thing little people are so resilient. 

1.     I forgot Quinn in the mini-van when she was 5 weeks old. I was in a rush to shove some McDonald’s down Olivia and Peyton’s gullet en route to a party. Yes, I was feeding them McDonalds at age 2. That’s like a two for one fail. I got to the door of the ‘restaurant’ and had a funny feeling I was forgetting something. Turns out it was the latest human I had built. Oops.
Fail.
2.     At age of 5 to 6 Peyton became really bad at listening and not doing what she was told. I began yelling and reprimanding her while giving her time-outs for outright disobeying mommy. Defiant little child. It was almost as if she couldn’t actually hear me. I noticed one day she was sitting very close to the TV with her ear cupped straining to listen. She was in for surgery within one month to have ear tubes inserted. Turns out she really couldn’t hear me after all.
Fail.
3.     Olivia cut her middle finger at around the age of 3. She came up to me, crying and showing me the cut for mommy to make it all better. Before I mended and kissed the boo-boo, I told her to wait while I found the camera. It was an absolute must for me to have a picture of her flipping me the bird. Kodak moment.
Fail.
4.     When Olivia was in grade one at French Immersion school, I had her read me the book all about Seals over and over and over again. She couldn’t figure out why I was laughing at her… like snorting ugly cry laughing. Please Google translate ‘seal’ into French if you don’t get this. I was just encouraging her love of reading.
Fail.

Youngest kids get the shaft. Oldest siblings get the eager ‘I’m going to document every moment and do everything right’ parents. Seriously, if you flip through the pages of my oldest girls albums fast enough, it’s like you are watching a movie in real time.
Let’s just say that Quinn’s baby book may not be exactly “accurate” on the whole first tooth and first hair cut dates. More like a memory estimate. Meh…minor details.

But the PARENTING FAIL OF THE YEAR AWARD goes to my sister.
My youngest niece Emily turned three the last week. She is the youngest of 6 granddaughters. May I add Miss Emily was a wee bit of a surprise for my sister and brother in law at the age of 37. My sister is a great mom and I admire her everyday. I also laugh daily at her at the age of 40 dealing with a spicy three year old.

Needless to say there was NO ‘first child’ birthday party complete with pony rides and a Cirque de Soleil show. Instead a simple delayed family dinner to celebrate her precious birth.
After dinner my sister announced, “Can we hurry up and get on with serving the cake? I need to get to work.” (To be fair, she is a nurse and it was over-time…that’s good money people)
As we sang to my dear sweet niece, I suggested my sister may want a picture as a keepsake? Shocker, she didn’t have a camera. I decided that she was just there for the free food from mom’s house.
Only to be outdone by the small wisp of Emily’s hair that touched the candle and went up in flames…that my sister didn’t notice.
That’s making memories right there I tell ya.
Rushed birthday cake, no camera and the smell of burnt hair. What more could a little girl ask for?

It’s ok, each one of them are loved so fiercely that I know this will override all of our fails. I hope. After all, I could dedicate an entire post to my own mothers less than stellar parenting moments, and I turned out ok. Sorta.

As I ponder some of my parenting bombs, perhaps I do need to stop transferring money from their ‘College/Therapy’ fund to 'Mommies Wine' fund. 
After all, it’s a RESP not a RWSP.

What’s your parenting fail? Don’t be shy…I know you have one or one hundred.
Xo
J
Uncle Dylan saved the day with his camera phone. Memory acheived!

Mommy...I hurt my finger.


21 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness: parenting fail? Moi?
    My earliest memory of MOTHER FAIL is with my (now 15-year old) son Andrew. Never really having had much of a relationship with an infant prior to his arrival...and being a first-time Mother at the tender age of 32...I was determined to enjoy every last second of his babyhood...we were practically joined at the hip!
    (...Which isn't always a great thing when you're a winter morning hot oatmeal eater...)
    Poor little Andrew was about seven months old, I had just made a bowl of the steaming hot stuff...we sat down at the table together...and in a very SPLIT SECOND, somehow he managed to slap his little hand on the tabletop...and he caught the end of the spoon which was sticking out of the bowl.
    Well, just like in the movies, the spoon flew up into the air, spewing a sizeable wad of sticky hot gooey oatmeal into the air. I sat there, transfixed, as the projectile flew up into air, separately from the spoon, on its own disastrous trajectory...only to land on my young son's tender baby NECK!
    Oh. The screaming. And the crying. It was horrible! And I'll tell you: poor little Andrew wasn't exactly impressed, either. Luckily, I knew about the miracle of beating an egg white and placing it on the affected area, which helped immediately...to be followed by an all-day barrage of aloe vera...but I only felt very stupid for not realizing the potential for disaster. I'm not a coffee drinker, so I really wasn't used to having to protect Baby from hot food / beverage.
    I almost think, though, that a splash of coffee would have been better than a wad of oatmeal...darned stuff really holds the heat!
    Luckily Andrew has no scar or memory of the incident. Wish I could forget...

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    1. The way you describes this gave me an actual slow motion visual! I'm glad Andrew has no memory or scar, but we as moms have it with us forever! I will never forget giving Peyton her first bath and as I carefully poured water over her head to rinse her hair, she swallowed some and I actually though I had killed her. The memory still gives me anxiety.

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  2. Oh, and P.S.: your "Mommy...I hurt my finger'" -photo is absolutely adorable. Yes, and hysterically funny, too! Sooooo cute!

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  3. These are not fails! My mother in law told my husband when he was a teenager to stop acting like a baby and you would think he was dying. When the Doctor arrived, he said thank goodness you phoned me if you had left it any longer he would have been dead! He has never let his mother forget that.

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    1. Yikes!!! Although I am a minimizer when it comes to illness. I told one of mine to suck it up for a basketball tournament when she told me she had a sore throat...oops, it was a raging ear infection and strep throat. I wouldn't let your mother-in-law live that one down either.

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  4. I turned my back and Toddler Sarah fell off the bed.
    I carried Toddler Sarah out of the room and she bounced her head off a bookshelf.
    I played peek-a-boo with Toddler Sarah and she froze up like a mannequin. Seriously, we had to take her to the ER!

    It's a wonder the poor kid didn't have to spend the rest of her childhood wearing a helmet when I was around...

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  5. One thing right in Quinn's baby book is the first day she rolled over. Why did it make such an impression on me? Cuz she was on the bed as I was having a shower. Oops.

    Poor toddler Sarah..but I do need further details on her actually freezing up and the ER trip. Is it wrong I am laughing at the visual?
    J

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  6. Looking back, there is comedic value in the whole puzzling situation. She turned out to be fine, but they had to run a battery of tests and keep her overnight. I'm still not completely sure what happened, but she spent most of her early years facing minor medical issues such as eyes sight, asthma and the like. But she's feeling much better now.

    So laugh away, Jessica, the visual was pretty funny!

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  7. Oh the fails... Its a wonder even though I was determined to be the best mom that my kids survived... At 2 weeks old I locked my first born in the car...At Walmart.. in September which can be fairly warm here..Didnt know whether to leave here and run inside to call the police or wait Thankfully in the 30 Minutes(2minutes really) I debated it a man and his boy came walking by... The police officer knew me so no follow up visits by DFS or anything.. It happen again when she was about 7 months old... But I didnt do it that time.. My husband did..

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    1. At least it wasn't in the middle of winter right? And I would blame both times on your husband...shhhhh!
      J

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  8. Hey there! Robin Coyle here. Any idea why I have trouble commenting on your blog? It happens every time.

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  9. Oh wow! It went through that time.

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    1. I have no idea. Please refer to Social Media Phobia post...lol:)
      I did change setting so anyone can comment? I hope it works..I love reading your comments...and your blog.
      J

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  10. When the Pumpkin was in grade 2 and we were living in h*ll . . . err, I mean a lovely small Northern Alberta town . . . I walked her to the bus for school but we had apparently 'missed' it. . . so I drove her the 12 or so blocks to school and dropped her off, thinking to myself -- gee we must be really late, there is hardly any traffic. I then went to my office. About 20 minutes later the phone rings . . . it was the school secretary. Uh . . . it was a prep day and no school . . . she had looked outside and saw the Pumpkin and a kindergartener standing at the door looking confused wondering where everybody was. It WAS winter . . . as in below freezing . . . Apparently, when the doors were locked my melodramatic girl looked at the k-gartener and said "We're all going to die . . . ." I learned to check the school calendar for 'in-service'/'prep' days.
    Elizabeth

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    1. My mom caught me skipping school in grade 11, as she was hauling my butt back to school she wouldn't let me say a word in the car. All I was trying to tell her was that the school day was over. I had to call my dad to come get me.
      I love the "We are all going to die"...give her a high five for me please!
      J

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    2. Hey I grew up in Northern Alberta too! Yes... h*ell!

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  11. Hi Jessica! I had a question for you and was hoping you could email me back to discuss? Thanks so much!

    - Carolyn
    carolynfallon3@gmail.com

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  12. OMG I laughed so hard at your fails! I'm trying to think of one, but I am a perfect mother so I have none. Oh wait. My daughter was choking (literally 2 days ago) and I just watched her for a bit, thinking she was being over dramatic like normal. I ended up having to give her the heimlich. Fail.

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    1. I am also a perfect mother...oh wait, never mind I guess I already blew that cover eh? Choking scares me...I'm glad you knew the heimlich!!!
      J

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  13. I fell backwards off a table and when I went to see my Mom, she brushed it off. The next morning my whole left shoulder area was black and blue. Turns out I broke my collarbone in several places ... I'm alright!

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    1. I cut my leg from a broken lamp in the middle of the night. When I went to tell my mom, she told me to put a bandaid on it and go back to sleep. I still have a scar from a wound that needed stitches!!
      J

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