Parenting SOLVED!!

In addition to the three small people that live here, I have a Great Dane. Yup. Just add 175 pounds of extra crazy to my existing crazy.

He is big. His bark is bigger.

Recently, every time he goes in the backyard he is barking all the time…at nothing. Let’s make this clear, it is not a yappy ankle biting bark, it’s a sonic window shaking bark. Wicked. The neighbors should be calling by-law anytime now.

I went to the pet store looking for a solution. It turns out that giant dogs require giant solutions and there was no way in hell I was spending $250 on a barking vibration/citronella collar. So I settled on a $12 solution.

It’s called the ‘Pet Corrector’. 

It's like an air horn, but it hisses. LOUDLY!! Guaranteed results!

Woot Woot! I love me a good deal!

So…it turns out you get what you pay for. The giant barking dog just thinks it’s a game and…freaking barks at it.

Don’t feel sorry for me…turns out it was the best $12 I have ever spent.

Why you ask?

Because it is by far the greatest parenting tool I have in my proverbial “tool box”.

EVER!!!

Last night at dinner the kids were fighting. Shocker I know. I went up behind them and laid on that hisser. Fighting over. Pretty sure it scared the shit out of them, but lets focus on the fighting…that stopped! Without a word from me! Voila.

The trolls were complaining about clearing their dishes. One hiss...dishes away. They actually ‘jumped” into action. I admit I may have peed a little I was laughing so hard. 

Magic.

To be clear, the dishes being cleaned was the magic, not me peeing my pants…that happens all the time.

Bedtime delays? Not a problem here anymore now that mommy’s got the hissing machine. I have never seen anyone run up the stairs so fast in my life. Just as I suspected… you really didn’t need that glass of water after all did ya?

Enough of your bedtime bullshit.

HISSSSSSSS!!!!

After less than 24 hours, they simply see the red can and comply. Like Pavlov’s dog. Talk about classical conditioning.  Skinner would be so proud of me.

It’s was called “Pet Corrector”.

Not anymore.

Teen Tamer*

The instant solution to all your mommy woes.

I think I need to sew a fanny pack holster for it. That way I could carry it around with me and whip that bad boy out at a seconds notice. Plus, I could still pour wine AND have the Teen Tamer at the ready.

And they said this parenting thing was hard to figure out. Pfft!!

I’m gonna be rich.

xo

J
*patent pending*...don't steal my ideas! That's just rude manners.

Good idea.

Better idea!
$$$$ Rich I tell ya!! Rich!!

Gratuitous picture of my baby boy! (The dog people, not Dylan)
Thor at 18 months and still growing.